Abigail Grace On Her Pain, Healing & Her New Album: "Giving Christ a Second Chance"

Abigail Grace is only 18 years old girl, but she has quite a story of healing and grace to tell. Growing up, she was a pastor's kid from Kentucky. There were many pros and cons to being a pastor's kid, but unfortunately, she saw more cons than pros.She struggled to find what love really was, because she saw such hate and fighting in church-- a place that was supposed to BE love. Battling an eating disorder, cuttings, addictions to unsatisfying things; suicidal thoughts and even attempts, and rehab; Grace was desperate for God's grace.

In the midst of it all, music has been her way of prayer and personal worship unto Jesus. In the midst of the darkest valley, He met her where she was in my brokenness and redeemed her.

Recently she has released her album "Freedom." This is what she has to say about the new record: "I want to show them the Love of Jesus, and I pray He will meet them where they are at in the midst of their "house" burning down. My newest album, "Freedom" is all about finding freedom in Christ to being who you really are-- broken but accepted; because God wants to mend are brokenness into something beautiful." 

Hallels:  Abigail, I must admit that I can't help but shed a tear when I read your bio.  You grew up as a pastor's kid but you've also have also seen the dark side of ministry.  In your bio you wrote:  "I saw evil in a place that was supposed to be holy."  What were some of the things you experienced that made you write such a line. 

Some experiences that caused me to say such a bold statement about my church, were the experiences I witnessed that caused the Bride of Christ to divorce from the ultimate Lover. When my dad first was accepted and hired, he jumped right into preaching deep, true and genuine messages. Certain people that had been apart of the church for many years fought for their control over the church. They didn't like my dad being the actual leader of the church, nor the truth he preached. Therefore, these people  would spread nasty rumors, judge harshly on appearance, begin fights (sometimes to the point of needing to call the police); rebel against the word of God in order to keep the church under their authority, rather than God's; deceive others in order force my dad (the pastor) out of church with a ruined reputation. It sincerely broke my heart, and made me angry toward church as a whole. 

Hallels: What do you have to say to other pastor's children or even a pastor or church leader who is seeing divisions and fights in the church now?  What word of encouragement can you give them? 

It's hard to give encouragement to pastor's kids or even pastor's when I truly don't know their situation in a whole story. However, to the pastors: pray, pray, pray, listen and obey. You must realize in this generation, all God's saints are at war. Do not cower in fear because of the power of the enemy, but rather, rise up as shepherds of the flock and lead in truth. Lead in truth in your public life, and especially your private life. If you are at the point of giving up on your church, but there is a whisper in your heart to stay; go ahead and give up, BUT give IN to God and let HIM fight for you. Trust in His sovereignty, and claim the victory that He has already won the war for you. You just lead an example of faith, valor, and surrender... There is hope. My church is the healthiest it has ever been. We are now truly a family of Christ, rejoicing and building one another up constantly. However, it is truly because my father never gave up pursuing Christ in all areas of life...

To pastor's kids: do not base your image of Christ and the Gospel on what you see in people, but rather on God's word. Secondly, there is so much more than knowing all the right answers in the church life. I challenge you to dig deep and have a relationship with Jesus; rather than be a slave to religion. Lastly, if you've already been hurt from church and don't want anything to do with church ever again-- I'm sorry for your pain. I'm sorry you had to "experience such evil in a place that's supposed to be holy." I sincerely understand. However, to the contrary of what you may think, not all churches are like that; and Jesus certainly isn't a promoter of evil. Jesus wants to take your brokenness and heal you. He also wants you to surround yourself by fellow Christ-followers, because He wants to show you what grace, love and building of one another up, REALLY is. Oh beloved, how much you will grow and be filled with joy when you say, "It's time to stop sitting in my ashes and build a new foundation for my heavenly house." Christ gave you a second chance; will you give him a second chance?  

Hallels:  You had also experienced quite a long list of sufferings including eating disorders and even suicidal attempts.  Were they related to the church problems you experienced?  And how did you overcome these problems? 

The church did have a good part in my sufferings; however, it was mainly the lies I was told and believed. I had much passion and zeal for God, but not much knowledge. "Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way," Proverbs 19:2. From childhood, I was a major people pleaser and perfectionist, and I wanted more than anything to love God more and more. When I was 12, there was a church leader that saw that in me, and used me to his advantage. He filled my mind with words like, "If you don't be a leader and if you don't do this or that, you're wasting your life and are not good enough for God. How can God love you if you don't use your life in big ways?"  

From very young, I had this horrible, condemning picture of God in my mind, felt like I would never be able to do enough to please Him. I constantly felt worthless and inadequate; at the same time I was practically killing myself in ways I thought would earn God's affections towards me.  Therefore, my passion and love for Jesus turned into a god of religion and works. I missed the beautiful, sweet grace of Jesus for so long; until I finally broke down, and was completely abandoned and alone. I was depressed and in need of help.

I finally reached out because of my complete desperation. I went to Remuda Ranch, a rehab for eating disorders. For the first time, my wounds had been opened in order to be healed. Every Sunday I would go to church; and there was a pastor (Pastor Montey), that personally poured into me and loved me in my brokenness just as Christ would. He told me of the unconditional love God has for His children, and the freedom there is in Christ; because "at the cross, our guilt was no more." He told me there was nothing I could ever do to earn my way to heaven, but simply believe in Jesus and truly repent in surrender to Him! I finally truly grasped the person of God/Jesus.

Honestly, I'm still overcoming my struggles, but it is not nearly even close to where I was. I believe I will always be in recovery, but I've learned to thank God for my struggles, because it constantly drawing my heart, soul, and mind closer to Jesus. Like Paul said, "I die everyday!" But I tell you, it is certainly not death to die.  

Hallels:  For our readers who have not heard you yet, how would you describe your style of music?  Are there any singers you look up to?

I would describe my style of music as organic, raw and genuine. I admire Bethel Music, Sovereign Grace, Rend Collective and Kari Jobe. 

Hallels:  Listening to your album "Freedom," I can hear a lot of your pain as well as healing. What song off the album do you think is most reflective of your experience and healing? 

Picking a song is like telling my mom to pick her favorite child! Haha. I guess I would have I say, "Give Up." It constantly reminds me that I am not in control and I truly need to live my life in complete abandon to Christ. Even though I am so weak, His strength is enough to carry me. It also reminds me that even when or if I do not have people around me, and I feel alone; I am certainly never alone, and He is walking with me every step of the way.  

Hallels:  I want to ask you about the song "For Those Who Will Listen"-- what were you trying to communicate at the start of the song where it feels like you were listening to one of those scratchy old vinyls?    

The effect me and my producer were going for on "For Those Who Will Listen," was a "Let's sit down and talk and allow me tell you some truth." The clock at the beginning was to give an effect of "you never know how much time you have on this earth, so what's your plan for after life?"  

Hallels:  For our readers who would like to find out more about you or/and purchase "Freedom," where can they go? 

You can like my Facebook page under "Abigail Grace" and instant message me. I always read my messages, and thoroughly enjoy them! "Freedom" is available on iTunes; and if you'd like a hard copy, message me on my Facebook page and I'll be sure to get you one. My Twitter is: @6Abbs. My Instagram is: abigailgrace001 !

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